


What Do You Say

by mooniemurphy



Category: Smash (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, I'm Sorry, M/M, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 09:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooniemurphy/pseuds/mooniemurphy
Summary: Ana doesn't say a lot of what she probably should have said.





	What Do You Say

Ana and Jimmy have a very interesting and odd friendship, in of that, for the fact that Kyle knows Jimmy better than anyone in the world, Ana knows things that even Kyle doesn't. For some reason Jimmy feels comfortable talking to Ana about things, things that he doesn't talk to Kyle about. Usually, there's alcohol and/or weed involved, and Jimmy just opens up, and Ana just listens.

Kyle. They talk about Kyle. They talk about Kyle a lot, because Jimmy can't not talk about Kyle when he gets the chance to. He can't talk about Kyle to Kyle, so he talks about Kyle to Ana, because she listens.

And sometimes, she asks questions, and sometimes, he answers.

Ana is the only person that Jimmy tells that he's in love with Kyle, even though a lot of people probably already know that. He's been in love with Kyle since they met, and Kyle thinks he's straight, but he more closely identifies as pansexual, even if the only real feelings he's ever felt are for Kyle. Whatever he feels or felt for Karen is a passing thing, and it's mostly lust, and he tells Ana that. She doesn't know what to do with the information, because she already knew that, but saying, "Yeah, duh," doesn't seem to be helpful, so she doesn't say that.

She does ask why they aren't together, and he gives the explanation that Kyle deserves better. Ana wants to scream that that's the lamest and oldest excuse in the book for not dating someone, but she knows that, yeah, in this situation, that excuse is actually probably really valid. Jimmy's an addict and cold and manipulative and a dick and Ana honestly kind of hates him. Kyle is light and love and happiness and hope beyond hope beyond words, so he really does deserve better. She doesn't say that, either.

When she listens to Jimmy talk about Kyle, about the way Kyle inspires him, about how Kyle was the motivation for songs like Reach For Me and Caught In The Storm and The Love I Meant to Say, and about how Kyle is his muse, and about how Kyle deserves the whole world and Jimmy can't even give him the slightest bit of that, she wants to tell him to shut up. She wants to tell him to just get over himself and talk to Kyle about it. Because it doesn't matter what Kyle deserves, they all know how Kyle feels. Jimmy knows how Kyle feels.

She doesn't say that, either.

Progressively, Kyle and Jimmy's relationship worsens, because Kyle starts dating Blake, and that's a thing that's cute and adorable and what Kyle deserves, but it's not right, because of course it's not. And Jimmy might say that he wants Kyle to be happy and be with someone who deserves him, because that's probably exactly what Jimmy does want, but Jimmy's a jealous dick who has to get his way all the time, and Kyle and Blake seem to push on every nerve that he has.

They fight a lot, and Jimmy bitches to Ana. Blake is perfect for Kyle and they're perfect together, and that's fantastic. Ana can practically see the bitter sarcasm in Jimmy's voice, because it's that tangiable in the air between them. She doesn't think they can be in the same room together-- Jimmy, Blake, and Kyle, that is-- without Jimmy making some snide comment that pisses Kyle off, but Kyle doesn't know that it's about Blake, so he doesn't know what it is. So he's hurt, and he's confused, and he's snapping back, because how else is he supposed to handle Jimmy? 

Ana wants to shake them both and shove their faces together and tell them to just fucking kiss already, but she doesn't say that.

Jimmy's getting high more often now, because Kyle and Blake are getting more serious, and Kyle started coming to work with visible hickies on his neck. It all kind of comes to a head the night Karen gets hurt and Jimmy gets fired, because Jimmy's high and drunk, and Kyle's drunk, and nothing is okay. 

So Jimmy gets up and calls Karen and Kyle both out, and the things he says aren't exactly untrue, but they aren't okay, and Ana can feel Kyle's heart break when Jimmy throws everything out like that, and then Blake is dumping him. (Ana could have seen that coming, though; Kyle was cheating on him for like, a week.)

Ana pulls Jimmy down and snaps at him, and Jimmy's only response is, "Only one of them is in love with me, and it's not the one I want," and everyone else would have thought it was about Kyle, but Ana knows. It's about Karen, because Karen is the one who's in love with Jimmy that Jimmy doesn't want, and he thinks Kyle isn't in love with him anymore, because Kyle has Tom and Blake and whoever else. But Jimmy's blind, because Jimmy's always been blind. And then Jimmy's leaving, and Ana wants to tell him to stay, but she can't find the words. So she doesn't say that.

Karen tells Kyle to cut Jimmy off. Ana's heart is breaking as she asks Kyle if he ever could do that. Karen tells him that he has to do it now, right now, right away, like Kyle isn't drunk. Like Kyle and Jimmy ever not being KyleAndJimmyTheSingleUnitWhoCan'tLiveWithoutEachOther is not the worst idea. Because they're a single until who can't live without each other. Jimmy depends on Kyle like he depends on oxygen, something you take for granted until you don't have it anymore, and Kyle is defined by what Jimmy is. 

But Kyle is leaving, to cut Jimmy out of his life, and Ana wants to tell him to stop, to reevaluate. But she can't find those words, either. So she doesn't say that.

It's Blake that tells Jimmy that Kyle is dead the next day.

It's Blake that has to, because Ana doesn't know how.

When Jimmy tears off into the city after he finds out, Ana wants to cry, wants to beg him not to go, because they can't lose Jimmy, too, they can't let Jimmy self-destruct. But the words won't come. She doesn't say that, either.

She doesn't say much that day. They're going to go on stage and sing and perform like Kyle's not dead, like this isn't happening. Paying tribute to Kyle is a thing, but this feels wrong. She wants to tell them all to fuck off, because they can't fucking do this, they're making Kyle a martyr for his art, which Kyle would probably love, because he'd appreciate the romantics of it. But it's not okay. Kyle is dead. 

She doesn't know how not to flip out. So she doesn't say anything.

Jimmy shows up right before they sing The Love I Meant to Say, and suddenly, it's not just Ana who knows that it was Kyle who inspired this song, and every other song in this show. Everyone knows. Everyone can feel it. 

Ana wants to scream at the sky, scream to the world that it always should have been Kyle and Jimmy until the end. She wants to find a way to bring Kyle back to tell him that it was always him, Jimmy always chose him. She wants to scream that Jimmy always loved him, too. But Kyle can't hear her. So she doesn't say it. She cries. They all cry. 

Ana's friendship with Jimmy is odd and interesting, and now it's strained, because it's been defined by the things that Ana couldn't say. She might have saved Kyle if she had said something, just one of those times. She wants to tell Jimmy that.

But she doesn't know how. And she can't find the words. 

So, as always, she doesn't say anything.


End file.
